What have I learned?

Well Ana,
What have you learned?

Like overall, in life, or you mean in like the last year?

Let's focus on the last year.

That I'm a little shit.
That I do not understand boundaries, therefore, I'm just a giant woman child.
That I've allowed myself to sink into the idea of victimization, without even fighting to recognize my power.
I've learned that when things get tough I can persevere, but that even when I'm drowning, my stubbornness, my fear of being disappointed won't let me ask for help. 
That the expectations I have of others will always be delusions of grandeur. 
I have managed to manifest my fear of being alone by isolating myself completely because I believe this is the only way I can protect my heart, my soul, my energy. 

And has it brought you peace?

To an extent.
With this time I have managed to destroy habits within my cells that help me open portals to lower levels of life.
That all this restlessness could be soothed in silent prayer.
With this loneliness, I have learned to pick up a brush.
I have learned to jot down the dreams that keep me up at night.
And sometimes when I write, I run to share my thoughts but I always catch myself.
In this lifetime, I have talked enough. 

And what if there are many more lifetimes left in you, will you repeat these thoughts?

No.
See I'm getting rid of it all now,
so that in a distant future,
when I'm once again a galaxy
or even a star,
I will come down and things will finally be done right. 

Is this your heart or your mind speaking?

My mind, of course!
My mind will always step forward when to fear, 
my heart and body have succumbed.

But you understand where the fear lies?

Yup.
I see it like clogged hair in a drain pipe.
It's just,
at first, it's icky to touch.
But I'm working my way up to it,
sooner or later, I'll get it unplugged. 

No. What we mean is your fear is a liar, it does this to keep you stuck.

*I am dumbfounded.
Lost.
Even after all this time, I'm still compartmentalizing my feelings into thoughts.*